Thanks for your letter to Heartbroken and Confused. Several months ago I met and dated a man who was HIV+ (I'm negative). When I found out he was positive, I was disappointed but never even considered not dating him because of it.

He's a great guy. Unfortunately it didn't work out (despite some really hot safe sex). When discussing the break up with some of my friends, I used the fact that he was HIV + as one of the reasons why "it just didn't work out."

Until I read your column I never realized that this was a crock of shit I was trying to sell myself. Honestly, it was my own insecurity about relationships that triggered this defense, when he decided he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with me. I feel like apologizing to him (of course I wouldn't) or somehow make amends for this. What a spineless way to deal with a situation.

Dear You've Done Your Time,

If you feel like apologizing, then why wouldn't you? In my opinion, the best way to make amends for this would be to be as honest with him as you're being with yourself. Admitting to yourself that you've been wrong took some real backbone, so I have no doubt that you've got the spine that it takes to come clean with your friend. I can't speak for all HIV+ people, but I personally would appreciate and respect your honesty.

In my mind it takes a big man to admit he has blamed AIDS for his own insecurities, and an even bigger man to admit as much to his positive partner. HIV has brought about so many changes in my life, both positive, and negative.

While I've grown from the experience of living with AIDS immeasurably, it would be a relief to know that I'd been involved with someone who was willing to acknowledge that I was a person first and not defined by my status. Thanks for your honesty. As far as I'm concerned, you've been pardoned.

Been reading your column and am so glad that there's a forum like Love, Danny for those of us who have trouble being heard. So thanks. My question is this, how can I rebuild my relationship with my mother with AIDS confusing the issues? I'm 28 years old and mom is 44. Granted, we have had our battles, but putting all things aside, I would really like things to work out. In your opinion, what are the first three baby steps in rebuilding broken bridges?

Dear Clear the Air,

Dealing with HIV is a process, for you and for your mom. So while you might be ready for things to work out, mom might not be. Her fears of AIDS are very different from yours, but fear is fear and she feels them just as intensely. You need to be willing to grant your mother the time she needs to face her fears for herself. Assuming that your both willing to take an active part in rebuilding this bridge, the first baby step is:

I'm a gay white male whose considered attractive. But beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and I have AIDS. I don't go to gay bars or clubs anymore. The last time I went to a gay bar around here, I met a great guy who asked me to spend the night. I felt like I had to be honest and told him that I was HIV+.

Bang! Right off the bat he said I should be ashamed of going to a gay bar and getting people's hopes up for nothing. He said only a "sicko" would try to go home with someone knowing they had AIDS. I told him I was only considering safe sex. He said, "No thank you. Bye."

This made me feel like dirt because I didn't want anyone to think I would ever intentionally expose anyone. So I have decided to stay home now. I have tried groups and considered a pen pal, but have had no luck finding someone who will accept not only me but my illness. . What should I do now?

Dear Keep Swinging,

Your honesty alone is proof that you would never knowingly expose anyone. While I know it's devastating to be rejected because of your status, keep in mind that your disclosure took a great deal of courage.

Continue to reach out to all areas of your life, but do us all a favor and don't hide your light just because one person attempted to blow out your candle. There are people out there who will recognize and appreciate your honesty, and accept you for you. Don't be afraid to go back into that bar. You are not a sicko, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. There's only one person who should feel like dirt in that situation, and it's the chump who turned you down.

I've had AIDS for many years. When I found out I felt afraid, alone and lost. I kept everything inside for fear of being rejected. I continued to work as a nurse with a very low T-cell count and a warning from my doctor that my time was very short. Back then, the only medicine available was AZT, and I couldn't tolerate it.

Then a wonderful thing happened. I met another nurse with AIDS. He was a pillar of strength. When I would have to go to the hospital he was always by my side. I could see in his eyes that he was afraid and yet he would tell me "Don't be afraid. I'm here and God is with us. You concentrate on that and get well so we can go home."

Each time I was able to go home. Time went by and new meds came along…meds I was able to tolerate. Just when I started to improve, my lover had a seizure and became ill. Now, no medicine seemed to work for him. Everything he tried failed. How could this happen? I was the one that was going to die. I tried hard not to let him see my pain and sorrow. I tried so hard to hold back and be strong for him. I remembered as if it were yesterday his advice to me.

One afternoon I was sitting with him and he said "I don't mind dying. I just hate to leave you. I wonder what will happen to you when I'm gone. " I couldn't hold back any longer. I laid my head on his shoulder and we both cried. Three days later he died. I will always miss him and every day I think of him and think of how our life was together. The tough times and the great times. The happy and the sad times.

I know this is a common story during this horrible crisis. I also know how hard it can be to express your feelings. But my memories of him, and my ability to finally express myself, have helped ease the pain and put me on the road to healing. I know it's hard, but I just wanted to write and let your readers know that believe me, it can be done, just let it happen.

Dear Words To Live By,

Thank you for writing, and thank you for loving. You beautiful insight is a reminder that any relationship based on love will live at home in our hearts forever.