Two years ago I met the love of my live who is HIV+ [I'm HIV-], however he refused to continue seeing me once he learned of my negative "status." This was very painful for me to accept and as of yet I have not fully recovered from his rejection. [I don't fall in and out of love easily.]

I feel that AIDS has affected us all in a negative way. All through the 1980s I was so afraid about sero-converting I couldn't cruise and have sex, without a sense of paranoia and fear. It's taken allot for me to be "okay" and enjoy myself.

I have no fears when sleeping with a positive man who tells me in advance so I know what is safe for both of us. Afterwards I feel safer with "him" than if I tricked and didn't bother to talk about it. We're all in this together, and besides each day starts with a set of "risks" for all of us the moment we wake up in the morning.

When we all get over our fears and paranoia, and are able to talk openly about AIDS, is when real progress in terms of our humanity as a community will develop.

Just because someone is living with a situation/problem doesn't make him or her less valuable/lovable. Both HIV+ and HIV- men need to realize this. AIDS affects us all, and we all have to deal with it. I hope AIDS doesn't divide and conquer our community, because if it does where will we be then?

Dear Positively Inspired,

I agree it is disconcerting to see a community that relies on tolerance, education and understanding being so non-communicative, but I have faith in us. Were it not for the gay community, I believe I would be dead. In the early eighties, when little was known about AIDS, the gay community united, asserted themselves, volunteered, pushed for meds and funding and saved many, many lives.

Gym Boys, Bears, Lesbians, Transsexuals, Transvestites, and those who loved us, came together with compassion in a crisis. When it was more apparent to people that AIDS was everyone's problem, everyone was handing out condoms, having fund-raisers and being buddies. I think that we may have been too busy fighting AIDS to see the beauty in how we were all getting along.

The problem is that AIDS is no longer considered a crisis, right? Tell that to the hundreds of thousands of Africans with the disease and without drugs. Tell that to the person who has failed his or her meds or to the mother who lost a son in the early 80's. Tell it to the person who is going through their third med switch and is still unable to work, or the person that spends $20 a week on anti-diarrhea medication and still gets caught out and about thisclose to having an accident in public.

Crisis, not unlike beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder. Call it what you will, AIDS is still a global problem. To overcome the boundaries that exist today, every community needs to have many discussions. Discussions about how we as people can learn how to love in and out of crisis and without prejudice.

Yes, sero-discordant discrimination goes both ways, I have letters to prove it. Just as Negative folk have to live with the fear of "being infected," Positive folk have to live with the fear of possibly "infecting." We all need to establish some sexual boundaries we are comfortable with and apply them to, and discuss them with, all our sexual partners.

There are few disagreements that cannot be solved with an open, honest discussion. Maybe if we tackle this one small problem we can learn to keep an open loving discussion alive about all things.

Let's take a lesson from the good that's gone before and be proud of what we've accomplished with a great deal of grace. And have faith, I also have letters to prove there are lots of unconditionally loving and compassionate people in our community and in this world. People who say AIDS has taught them a great deal about themselves, others and the power of love.

Just a quick response to the debate about sero-discordant relationships, I am in a sero-discordant relationship. Robbie reminds me to take my HIV medications and I remind him to take blood pressure medications. Neither of our medical conditions is us, merely part of us.

I expect support from, and provide support to my partner, in many aspects of our lives. It's what teamwork is about. Would I want the hassle of negotiating around issues concerning unprotected sex in a sero-accordant relationship? No!

Dear Nothin' Fuzzie about that,

Touché.

Your recent letter to a man who was losing hope as a result of HIV was especially inspiring. I think that many people whether they have HIV or not lose sight of the miracle of living. A guy at my gym said something pretty interesting, basically, that every morning you wake up is a good morning.

It's another chance to experience life, the joy and the pain, and it's truly amazing. Don't get me wrong - I've been where that guy has been, even before I learned I was HIV positive earlier this year, but I realize that life goes on.

I'm thankful that I have great friends, loving family in my Mom, sisters and brother-in-law, and two beautiful nieces who add lots to my life. Those days I'm down, I count my blessings, and try to add something to someone else's life - it makes me feel better in the process. Thanks for your tireless efforts and support for those of living with HIV and AIDS.

Dear Dan,

Beautifully put! I got your letter the day that my viral load resurfaced after a year and a half. Needless to say I was not miracle minded at the time, and your letter made me smile, and was of such great comfort to me that I'm gonna stick it to my fridge and practice it often. Thanks for taking the time to write and help remind all of us that gratitude, blessing inventory and loving gestures are some of the most important tools for holding onto a positive perspective. I wish you health and happiness.

I read with interest your column regularly. I'm a negatoid who would not even entertain the thought of getting involved with a positoid. I have been affected by the disease as well as many people have. The majority of my closest friends are positoids and it's cool.

I don't think you give a fair representation of the letters you receive from people like myself. I can't see loving anyone enough to die for them. I was once an HIV Counselor for the city I reside in, am up on the current safe sex practices, etc., and still won't consider becoming sexual with someone unlike myself. The relationships with my positive friends are very intimate but none will ever progress any further.

They love and respect my desire to remain negative and don't have any hard feelings in that area. I just wanted to share an opinion from the other side of the coin. You always print letters from folk in serodiscordant relationships where happiness was the norm. If you want to be realistic at least print the ones that speak about the fear of becoming positive.

Or the ones where the lover serocoverted. Just the REAL stuff and not only the mushy-mushy stuff. At any rate, I enjoy reading the column and am not prejudiced against anyone in any sense. I do understand it is my responsibility to remain negative. No amount of love will ever rise above the love I have for myself. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts. Keep up the good work.

Dear Thanks for Sharing,

Merriam Webster defines "discrimination" as, the act, practice, or an instance of discriminating categorically rather than individually. Positive or negative, we are all individuals. I encourage, and respect your desire to stay negative but I don't believe a person has to practice discrimination in order to do so.

"Reality" is defined as the totality of real things and events. Every single person who is positive, has been on both sides of the coin. Unlike you, we've all been positive and negative, and experienced fear and discrimination from both angles.

Not unlike you, many of us even allowed our fears decide whom we did and didn't date when we were negative. Testing positive forces you to face those fears, and as a result, my reality says that loving someone positive, doesn't guarantee seroconversion, and that love transcends serostatus.

I now know, that you can have tactile, loving, yes even completely safe sexual relationships with a positive person. With regard to fair representation, I have to agree with you. I haven't been fair. Eighty percent of my letters are from people, both positive and negative, who are in happy, healthy, loving serodiscordant relationships.

So you are right, I have misrepresented the reality reflected by my readers responses and I have printed entirely too many letters from people defending their right to choose not to date positive folk. Bottom line, I'm glad you are staying negative, and you definitely have the right to date or not date whomever you choose, but from this side of the coin, it certainly feels like discrimination.