I am a 29 y/o gay male. I have everything I have ever dreamed of, a house, a nice car, and an awesome job. But I never realized how valuable my life was until yesterday when I went to the doctor to be tested for HIV.

For almost 1 year I lived in this cloud of fear, not wanting to go out or meet anyone because I was afraid I was HIV+, but yesterday I finally decided to get out of that cloud and start looking for the light. I haven't been feeling good for the last two weeks and I am tired of feeling sick and guilty about what others might think.

I feel like yesterday I became a man, because I had the strength to face my fears. I don't know what to expect or how I will react if I am positive, but all I know is that I have a life to live and there is a lot yet that I haven't accomplished and I won't let this virus kill all those dreams and hopes. Yesterday I was depressed and this won't be a fun weekend for me, because I am waiting for Tuesday when that phone rings and my doctor tells me my results.

But again, I realized how wonderful life is and that there is more for me to do here on earth. There are other people that need me. I fought very hard in life to accomplish all I have right now and I will keep on until God decides it's time to go.

Sometimes I think we are responsible for our own destinies, we walk a path based on our decisions and we should be mature enough to accept the consequences. I learned a lot from this, even if I am negative I will change my lifestyle and I will learn to respect and love myself more, because if I don't, who will. Yesterday was the day that I became a man, Wednesday when I find out my results will be the day I start a new life. Life is a gift from God. Too bad I didn't realize how valuable it was until now.

Dear Better Late than Never,

It takes a brave person to face their fears and get tested for HIV. I pray that your test results were negative and that the relief doesn't rob you of your wonderful new insight. I also trust that with your positive attitude you are ready for whatever life throws your way. Thanks for pointing out to all of us that facing your fears with a positive outlook, determination, self-love and self respect is the path to a happy destiny with or without AIDS.

I for the most part let people who do good work alone. But after reading your advice to a guy who was loosing his enjoyment of sex because of fear of contracting HIV or STDs, I felt compelled to write. I don't want to refute what you said, but simply to flush it out a little.

I realize that you are simply suggesting that this man continue practicing safer sex and try to deal with the anxiety and mental component of this whole thing. While I think your advice was sound, it might have been a bit timid about the real risks involved every time one is intimate with someone else. It's not so simple. I contracted HIV this past summer and I got infected despite the fact that I practiced safer sex guidelines exclusively! I don't believe in promoting hysteria.

I believe that we have an obligation to each other to be positive and supportive about sex so we don't contribute to any more of the shame that we sometimes feel as gay men. That being said, I believe especially given my experience, that we should not ignore the statistically small chance of contracting disease even when following the safer sex rules!

There's always risk involved, whether it be health or emotion. I just wish people in positions of public trust would let people know just how serious the risks are. Thanks for the good work that you do.

Dear Absolutely Right,

Despite the name, everything about Safe Sex is still a "calculated risk" as are most things in life. That being the case, I try to focus my advice on sensuality and sexuality, instead of just the act of sex. Things like kissing, massage, mutual masturbation, talk, toys, are all ways to express sexuality without fluid exchange. I'm sorry you tested poz but encouraged by the fact that you are already so comfortable speaking up about your concerns- -concerns that we all need to consider, when considering safe sex.

I have a problem. I am the negative partner in an almost 12-year relationship with my lover, who has been HIV positive for the last 10 years--that we know of. He's now considered to have full-blown AIDS and here's the problem: How do I deal with my anger toward him, when he's home all day and doesn't do anything to clean the house? I understand that he is tired and very weak, but I get so angry at him and then I feel bad about it. HELP! How can I deal with these emotions in a "positive" fashion? I do love him, I would never leave him, and I have told him that, but between my being in college, at work and then coming home to a messy house, I just lose it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Letting Go,

Lots of us with HIV would jump all over you for complaining. Many of us actually envy your busy schedule and wish that we had the energy to accomplish as much in a day as you can, myself included. That said, forgive yourself for getting pissed in the first place. You are human and you have a demanding schedule.

Your anger, however, is your own. Talk to your partner, but not when you are mad. Maybe your lover just isn't physically or mentally capable of helping out or maybe he is just plain lazy. Why don't you take some time to chat? It could even be that you are both affected by his progression.

While it is hard, if you can manage to drop your "expectations" of coming home to a clean house, you won't be disappointed. The next time you come in the door and trip over shoes while carrying groceries and schoolbooks into the house with steam coming outta your ears, take 10 or 15 minutes to regroup and maybe remember how happy you are that your lover is there waiting for you.

Even Oprah can spare 15 minutes and she would be the first to tell you that once we recognize anger, we have the choice to let it go. Leave school, the groceries and your anger behind and know that in those 15 minutes, nothing about your life is gonna change except you'll be calmer.

Once diffused, explain to him that your schedule is demanding and that it would be helpful if he could pitch in.Then listen to what he has to say. After 12 years, I'm sure there isn't anything a heartfelt discussion can't solve.

I have AIDS and my partner is HIV negative. We have been together for six years; I have been living with AIDS for five years now. My health has been up and down during this time. I almost lost my life twice.

I'm writing to let people know that there are many reasons why I'm still here today (loving nurses/doctors, a good clinic, discovering my inner spirit and holistic medicines, for example).

The most important reason, however, is my partner. His love, help and unbelievable gift to care has been the greatest support I could possibly have. Just being there through the good times and the very tough times for a partner is medicine enough to help.

It may also keep him around for many years to come, as it has me. My partner has told me there are many times he wanted to walk away from it all, but when he almost does, I seem to get better again and he just can't leave. I'm glad. A lot of these relationships don't survive because there's not a whole lot of information for people like us.

It has been more than seven months since I was very ill. My health is better than it has been in the last four years and when I'm healthy, we have such a wonderful time together--a closeness most will never experience, in part because of all we've been through together. My partner and I encourage all sero-divergent couples to hang in there.

Dear Pat Yourself on the Back,

Congratulations on your good health and thanks for showing all of us that where dating and loving are concerned, sero-diversity is an option. With all due respect to your support group and loving partner, you are the main reason you are alive today. I worry sometimes that those of us with HIV and AIDS give too much of the credit away at a time when it is important to feel and acknowledge our own accomplishments.You are fortunate to have such wonderfully loving, intelligent, kind people in your life and they are fortunate to have you