The Public Sex Debate

My guess is for a very long time in the U.S., anonymous public sex was about the only kind most gay men could get. There were a lot of closeted guys who couldn't date in the traditional hetero way (given prevailing anti-gay attitudes) and they feared bars, so these horny guys cruised parks and public bathrooms in search of sex.

After American society became more tolerant, roughly post-Stonewall, more gay men could be out and find partners in other ways. Many sought (and are seeking) long-term relationships analogous to hetero marriage. For them (like writer Andrew Sullivan) public acceptance of same-sex marriage is true liberation. Others, like the "Sex Panic" folks, see Sullivan and his ilk as hetero wannabees who are abandoning true gay liberation -- which, for them, involves a separation of sex from love.

They celebrate sex and defend multiple, anonymous encounters as truly fulfilling. They see the 'mainstreaming" of gays as ultimately destructive of "gay culture." In short, they encourage public sex while Sullivan and company frown on it. My point (finally) is that not all gays agree on the public sex issue, so don't feel that you have to go along with it or do it in order to be gay.

Signed, L.J.

Signed, Y.D.A.

My experience of men who have sex in public toilets (i.e., talking to them; myself, I never have) is that they all have either adjustment problems to being gay, being out etc, (e.g George Michael) and/or in relating to men in a healthy way. i.e.,having the capacity to initiate and sustain "normal" intimate multi-factorial relationships with other men. Still others can be sex addicts, who use sex to cope with life's stresses, and those who aren't addicts but have the same coping strategy. I think these men come to see other men as objects rather than as people, which is sad for them.

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Signed, David

I think that many people have sex in public because they're horny, and there is no one (ie, women) to stop them. Men enjoy sex all the time. In the straight world, women are around to keep men from being complete whores. In the gay world, there are only men (obviously, I'm not talking about lesbians), therefore, there are not the same restraints.

It is true that many people who have sex in public look like they couldn't get a date if they paid for it. However, a quick look around any major college campus will show you that many public sexers are young, beautiful, horny guys.

Personally, I think gay men who look down on public sex are more likely to be closeted, have personal problems, etc., than the gay men who are comfortable with public sex. The anti- public sexers seem to be desperately (sp?) interested in conforming to straight public standards, which are not natural, but simply modern social restraints.

Signed, Drew

There is no genetic predisposition to monogamy in the human… while there is good evidence that monogamy has been a strong social imperative. So, outside of a strong social order, I think boys will be boys. Public places just happen to be convenient.

Personally, I don't like sex in public places - that is, places where it is illegal. I also don't like being solicited in rest rooms. It invades my privacy. On the other hand, many of the guys who I know or knew who were regulars in tea rooms, book stores, etc. were guys in gay relationships. I don't think there is a strong correlation between the quality of the person, and what he likes to do with his dick. It does, perhaps, say something of his regard for the social order!