Suzanne Westenhoefer:
On the Way Up in Tinseltown
An Interview by Rex Wockner
With one HBO special under her belt and another one on the way,
former bartender turned lesbian comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer is
on the way up in Tinseltown.
Her newest CD is called I'm Not Cindy Brady.
We sat down in San Diego last week for a chat.
Rex Wockner: You believe the gay community responds differently
to people who achieve some degree of fame and then come out
versus people like you who were out from the beginning of their
career.
Suzanne Westenhoefer: It's so bizarre and interesting to me. If
you're out in the beginning, the gay community feels like you're
one of theirs, you belong to them. And the only way you can
really disappoint them is to, like, not be gay any more.
I think when someone is famous and we suspect they're gay, we're all
excited and we're talking about it -- who is? could she? will he?
-- and then when they come out, it's like Christmas.
I feel like to the gay community I'm like Barbie and then when someone comes
out who's famous, it's like, this is the new Barbie with the
bendable legs and arms, yeah! They're not going to throw Barbie
away or anything but they're more excited because we're a cult of
celebrity in this country, and so when someone comes out it
validates us. If you're out already, it's like: "Yeah, whatever,
good for you. Isn't that sweet."
Someone comes out after they've become famous, it's very validating, the mainstream
press pays attention. If it's some big rock star like Melissa [Etheridge],
then it, like, makes us "look good." So it's more exiting for the
gay community when it's that way. People like me, we're like
utility players. We've been out, they're on to us, it's not a big
surprise. It's just a whole lot different.
Now, was I as excited, for example, about Kate Clinton as I was
when Martina [Navratilova] came out? Probably not. And yet I'm a
huge Kate Clinton fan. I spent money I didn't have to see that
girl in concert, stood in line and got her autograph, the whole
nine yards, years ago, and I wasn't a comic and I wasn't any kind
of gay celebrity, I was just a bartender.
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But when Martina came out in the mid-80s, you know, sure, I went insane
like everybody else. So, I think it's just normal, but for those of us going
through it, those of us who've been quote-unquote gay from the
beginning, there's a level of, "Man, I want to be on the cover of
the Advocate." You know what I mean?
If you're gay and you're a celebrity -- like me, open from the
beginning -- the reality is I'm still going to gay restaurants
and gay bars. I never stopped. Didn't have to. Why would I?
Always was. Someone who was closeted was not available to us in
that way. They're not going to gay bars, pride events, hangin'.
For me to continue to do so is certainly normal. So it's also
exciting because those other people are unaccessible to us.
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I live in Los Angeles and I live in Columbus, Ohio. They know I'm
going to Out On Main in Columbus and having dinner and they can
come in and say hello to me. I'm not inaccessible. We're
accessible, that's the other part of us.
Rex Wockner: Familiarity breaks down the celebrity thing.
Suzanne Westenhoefer: Also, in general, your comedians seem more
regular-guy-like. A rock star is a rock star. A movie star is a movie star. This is
American royalty. Comedians, with the rare exception of a
Seinfeld or a Roseanne, don't get into that stratosphere. They
have to become Robin Williams and do movies and get an Academy
Award, which makes them not stand-up comedians any longer.
For most of us who've been out from the beginning who have not been
able to get quote-unquote on the cover of the Advocate, it's
because we're also all stand-ups. However much you love a comic,
music is going to move you more. Comedy's real visceral.
Rex Wockner: In another interview you said:
"I don't know anybody who
really wants to be called 'people of color.' How hideous is that?
I think that's the most insulting of all, because it says: 'There
are white people, and then there's everybody else -- we'll lump
them together as 'people of color.' ... What white person came up
with that?'"
Suzanne Westenhoefer: If somebody wants to be called "people of color," then I'm
going to do that. If it were me -- and the women I know who are
quote-unquote people of color -- I just find it disrespectful.
What is that about? People of color? Black, brown, Jamaican,
Native American, Latino, whatever you are, no no no no no, you're
people of color. It belittles it, it makes it so small.
I think it's racist to take everyone who's not white and lump them
together. I think it's cruel and I think it belittles the person.
I've always liked "black," because I think it's strong. But, of
course, people should be able to call themselves what they want.
And of course maybe it's inappropriate for us to sit here having
this conversation. Neither of us is black or Latino or anything
remotely like that. We look like white-bread Mayflower people.
Rex Wockner: I understand you've not been single since you were 15?
Suzanne Westenhoefer: Annie and I are a little over eight years and Katie and I
were 10. That's my queer life.
Rex Wockner: k.d. lang says it's hard to be monogamous on the road.
Suzanne Westenhoefer: Not for me. She's a big rock star. Women are probably
throwing themselves at her. I don't find that difficult at all.
That's just not been a problem for me. I'm an extremely sexual
person but I don't have the need to experiment and be crazy. I
can't anonymously have sex with someone first of all, because I
have to know that they worship me. I think that's important. It's
just never been my way.
Rex Wockner: You're tough on your girlfriend on the new CD. Does she have
a sense of humor about it?
 Photo: Rex Wockner |
Suzanne Westenhoefer: She knows what I mean and how I love her, so she doesn't
really care what you think. Her thought about you is: "Way to not
get it. It's comedy. We didn't invite you to a speech. It's a
comedy show. We're making fun. We're laughing at ourselves, we're
laughing at each other. It's a good thing. It's fun." |
She gets that so wholeheartedly. Now, once in a while, she does say, "Now
don't say that, don't use that on stage, I don't know that that's
going to be funny." And then of course I have to use it.
Rex Wockner: It takes a strong relationship to take personal conflicts and
work them into a comedy routine and then put it on a CD for the
whole world.
Suzanne Westenhoefer: We are really strong. She is the whole reason that I'm sane
in this business. She's not in the business and doesn't care
about the business and is not really impressed by it one way or
the other. So my feet stay pretty firmly planted.
I say, "Oh, the show, a thousand people came, and I got a standing ovation, and I
stood in line and signed autographs longer than the show," and
she's like, "Yeah, that's great, can you go out and clean up the
dog poop in the yard."
Rex Wockner: Where did you meet your girlfriend?
Suzanne Westenhoefer: I went to Columbus, Ohio, in 1992 to do their gay-pride rally
and she had been single about a year, so her friends drug her out
to the big gay disco -- she hates all that -- and she was
standing there and I got introduced to her by the woman who owns
the club and I met her and I fell in love with her the moment I
met her and that was it. She was less impressed with me. I was a
little loud and way too out. She was very closeted. Very. She's
still kind of closeted. It's just her way.
Rex Wockner: And you tease her about that in your act and she's OK with
that?
Suzanne Westenhoefer: Uh-huh. As long as it's true. She says, "Yeah, well, I'm not
[out]."
Rex Wockner: You've done the Michigan Womyn's Music
Festival. The latest big issue there is transsexuals.
Suzanne Westenhoefer: If they're willing to cut their dick off to come to that
festival, let them in, because that's commitment to the cause.
They put me in the Comfort Inn last time because I whined the
other years. "I'm cold. I hate it. It's dirty. I'm not taking a
shower over there. I can't sleep. There's dirt in my tent. Where
do I plug this in?"
Rex Wockner: Do you go topless?
Suzanne Westenhoefer: Hell, no. Suzanne doesn't go makeupless.
Rex Wockner: We're gonna turn over the tapes now.
Suzanne Westenhoefer: We're just yakkin' away here!
Rex Wockner: You got any inside poop on Ellen and Anne and Melissa and
Julie? The latest is that Anne is pregnant, of course. You're nodding.
Suzanne Westenhoefer: I deny that nod.
Rex Wockner: Would you want to be so famous someday that the Enquirer and
the Globe and the Star --
Suzanne Westenhoefer: Yes! I'm sorry, you had a question?
Rex Wockner: the paparazzi are chasing you around?
Suzanne Westenhoefer: I would like to be president of the United States but that's
not going to happen because I have inhaled and there's a good
chance I may do it again. I readily seek out being in the public
eye. I'm a show-off from five years old. I'm a black hole of
attention seeking.
Rex Wockner: Wouldn't it make your life so weird?
Suzanne Westenhoefer: You can make it worse. You can be a huge,
major celebrity and still have your own life by just creating this
unavailability/diva/don't-talk-to-me/I-don't-sign-autographs
thing.
When you start that, that's when you become somebody that
everybody wants to get to. Joan Rivers still walks down the
street in New York City, no problem, because she's never created
around her any of this mysterious, unavailable, I'm better than
you somehow, I'm different, I have this, don't take a picture of
my children, don't take a picture of my house. You don't have to
live like that. That's creating your own drama.
Rex Wockner: Do you have a favorite political issue right now?
Suzanne Westenhoefer: Photo by Rex Wockner: I give more money to Planned
Parenthood than anything.
Keeping a woman's right to choose and teaching children about
birth control affects everybody, every day, all the time,
constantly. It's such a huge issue.
Rex Wockner: Thanks, Suzanne.
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